


Across the Universe

by 1lostone



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Bones is devious, Bones is doing this for their own good, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Jealous Spock, Jealousy, K/S Advent Calendar, M/M, POV First Person, Porn with Feelings, Sex Toys, Very VERY background Kirk/Carol, a tiny bit of angst, i blame jlm for everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 10:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2808851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/pseuds/1lostone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones is a patient man. He almost has to be when you’re best friends with the damnfool infants running amok on this giant tin can. But sometimes?  A man has his limits. Watching Spock and Jim tiptoe around each other is makin’ Bones more nervous than watchin’ a Caitian wrestle a hungry Tellarite in a room full of rocking chairs. He can only be expected to take so much... and it’s for the two morons’ own good. Really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Across the Universe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxyk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxyk/gifts).



> **Artist:**  Spockshair  
>  **Link to Arts:** http://artsy-spockyyy.tumblr.com/post/105680076701/my-entry-for-this-years-ksadvent-pic-related-to  
>  **Warning:**  All the tropes. I almost had a laundry list of things I was checking off. First person POVs. Teh porn. Use of toys, perverted Vulcans that like to bottom, and devious Doctors. Does anyone still warn for rimming? Nothing triggery, but I’m livin’ the dream with the ‘locked up together when it’s cold’ trope. Some angst, but more fluff. Flangst. The other white meat.  
>  **A/N:**  Thanks as always to  **FoxyK**  for the ninjabeta. And surprise, I wanted to write you a Christmas present and here it is!   (coughyes,youBeta’dyourownpresent.) I hope that you liked it! Spockshair volunteered to do an artist collab with me. I love k/s Advent, and LOVE the idea of this being like a mini-big bang, so yaaay! PLEASE GO SEE ALL THE THINGS SHE ARTS!!  I probably should be ashamed for  this story being so filthy, but. Nope. I’m not. :D  
> Created for:[ ksadvent](http://ksadvent.livejournal.com/) 2014.  Many thanks to [awarrington](http://awarrington.livejournal.com/) and [arminaa](http://arminaa.livejournal.com/)! Title from, of course, the Beatles’ song by the same name, but this is not a songfic. 

* * *

 

 “Lookin good, Jimmy.”

I hid my sigh as I straightened up, squaring my shoulders just a little and flinging a ghost of my normal grin when our eyes met in the mirror, knowing Bones wasn’t even close to being fooled. I  tugged down on my dress uniform then promptly wrinkled it again when I immediately slapped Bones’ back with painfully forced jocularity. Bones just raised an eyebrow at me, and it had the same effect as it normally did.

“I know. Wish that Starfleet would spend more time dealing with my incident reports and less time changing the damn uniforms, but...” I shrugged. “At least they make my ass look good. Yours too, old man.” Even my leer was half-hearted. Bones went from mildly worried to swinging me around by my shoulders so he could give me the full-frontal Bones face.  

It was so weird. Well, not his face. I mean, I loved the guy, and knew he loved me, but when he looked at me like that it made me think of my dad. Or at least, what I imagine my dad would have looked like when he was worried over something I did. Drove me nuts that Bones was only, like eight years older than me, but it might as well have been twenty-eight for as concerned as he was looking.  Hell, the last time I’d been a recipient of that face was when I’d gone to him about... well. Better not to bring that up. I had Captainy shit to do and _that_ was best left to time when I could wallow in my own stupidity with copious amounts of alcohol.

“I’m fine, Bones. Nothing that a little Festivus punch won’t cure.”

Bones barked a laugh at that, like I knew he would. It had been Carol of all people who had introduced me to the crazy, innane antics of Jerry Seinfeld. That girl could design a superbomb down to the last screw in her head, hold her own debating with Starfleet generals and dignitaries, but damn if she didn’t have a soft spot for goofy 20th century sitcoms on her time off.

“Uh huh.” Bones didn’t sound convinced. Didn’t really expect him to, really. He was nothing if not tenacious when it came to my health- especially after my little stunt with the radiation a few years ago. Whether it was physical or mental, Bones was not gonna let my little mood slide, so I quickly decided that I should suck it up and try to get over myself long enough to do the shit I had to do tonight.

“So, did Nyota tell you?” Saying her name still gave me a thrill. She’d given me permission awhile back- after I had saved Spock’s ass (well he’d really needed saving because he’d gotten hurt saving _my_ ass, but I wasn’t about to tell her that, even ten months later.) and I  think she got a kick out of the way I’d managed to not-so-subtly work it into every single mention of her name.

“Tell me what, kid?” We left my quarters and made our way to the party. I wasn’t kidding about the Festivus punch. Having the visiting dignitaries from Tellar Prime was just an excuse really. After the speeches, they tended to stick pretty much to their rooms, but their aides and some of the lesser dignitaries liked to tie one on just as much as the next overworked member of the diplomatic corps. We kept to the proponents of IDIC when it came to any sort of celebration, especially when the timing coincided with a number of religious and Solstice-based observances. Spock and Nyota did a helluva job making sure that everyone was represented equally, and the rest of us just enjoyed the booze.

We got to the doors before I could reply, and long-standing habit had me bracing myself before the soundproof doors opened, a cacophony of voices, cutlery, singing, and music almost painful as it spilled out like a wave onto the silent corridor of D deck. There were so many people that Nyota had actually scheduled it in one of the hangars instead of the ballroom.

What could I say- everyone wanted a piece of the best fucking crew on the best fucking ship in the known galaxy.  Plus, as I said, we tended to throw a helluva party.

I clapped my hands together  and grinned at Bones.  He still looked suspicious at my sudden mood change, but was willing enough to let it slide.  I never knew if there was some pre-arranged signal or what, but Spock materialized at my right like he’d been summoned there, and as one the three of us stepped forward into the room. Even with everything going on I still loved that.  Bones liked to pretend that he was just an old country doctor, but he was no slouch at my left side. The two of them always made sure I was a little ahead of them, maybe half a step, but it was obvious that the three of us were a team- a force to be reckoned with. Silence rolled out like someone had given a signal, and I found myself ignoring subtle hint of spices and... sandalwood. I think it was sandalwood anyway, that Spock always seem to exude as I attempted for something more Captain and less pathetic crush. As always the combined scents sent my heartbeat pounding in my chest, and my cock twitching in my pants. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Hey, Jimbo. If just _smelling_ him affected you this much, then what did touching him do to you?’  And that my friend was why I was completely fucked.

"Greetings and welcome." I cast my eyes around at the crowd of faces, all of whom looked up at me expectantly. I kind of hated this shit. God knew that I could talk, and Nyota often sent me a brief after brief (once, she had Spock manage it so it locked down everything on my PADD until I actually read the damn thing) , but I usually ended up just bullshitting my way around the speech and hoping for the best. It drove Spock nutty- which was kind of hilarious actually. "It is a great honor to welcome dignitaries, friends, and crewmembers to our celebration. As you are aware today marks the one-year anniversary of our venture into space. Exploring the galaxy has brought us to new uncharted places and allowed us to experience a vast array of new cultures."  My gaze caught on someone completely unexpected; a friend of mine from my academy days. I actually did a doubletake before realising that no, my eyes were not deceiving me. He had said there was no chance of him making it to my quadrant!  Well that right there was some honest good news. It was hard to contain my excitement. I could hear the way my voice brightened with recognition and inwardly winced- it made the rest of my speech sound horribly fake and boring.  "Well I don't want to keep you too long, so again thanks for coming and I hope that you all enjoy yourselves!" Ugh. That was definitely not one of my better speeches. This was confirmed by Spock’s barely contained huff of breath- which on anyone else would be an eye roll and hands thrown up in exasperation.

It was a damn shame that getting that reaction was the highlight of my day.  Good thing Spock didn’t have any pigtails, or I’d really be in trouble.

I winked at Micah, enjoying the way his face flushed at my acknowledgement.  Knowing that a lot of eyes were still on me, I turned to Bones first, who was looking at me even more suspiciously than usual, and slapped him on the shoulder. “Okay then. Duties over. Go. Play. Try not to scowl at anyone or your face will stick that way.”  I could see Micah out of the corner of my eye talking quietly to one of the Tellarites. I knew I should probably know which one, but I didn’t particularly care right now. I knew that I would have to do my actual job at some point, but to be honest I was so excited at seeing Micah’s face that I was having trouble not making a beeline directly over to him.

I turned to Spock next, who had not moved from his previous position. It shocked me to see that we were so close, and I cursed inwardly at the way I was so obviously flustered as I stood back. Spock reacted at neither our closeness, nor my slightly flaily retreat, and that made something low in my stomach sink even further.  

Like I needed any sort of confirmation that this was one-sided.  

“You appear to know that individual, Captain.”

I blinked, trying to hide my initial surge of panic.  Spock absolutely, positively could _not_ know about Micah, or everything would be ruined. I know it was probably dumb that I had made Spock’s surprise present so important in my mind. I just... It was.

I just really wanted this to be an amazing surprise for him. I didn’t even mind going through all the research to track down someone who still dealt in items from Vulcan-that-was. It was just very lucky on my part that I had a connection to the seller. If I could just keep Spock’s huge brain out of everything until we exchanged gifts, things would be perfect.

He might not want me as a lover, or as a mate, but I always tried to be a damn good friend and absolutely refused to fuck this up. “Not really. Familiar face, I guess.”  

Yeah, I wasn’t proud about lying, okay?

The truth was- Micah and I had known each other pretty damn well at the Academy. He was a few years ahead of me on the diplomatic track, but he could play chess like nobody’s business.  He was also a collector of precious and semi-precious stones. He had them from places Starfleet hadn’t even acknowledged as habitable. I was not above trading on an old friendship if it would get me what I wanted, and in this case? What I wanted were eighteen different types of Vulcan rocks. Well, okay. Micah would tell you they weren’t just _rocks,_ but quartz, topaz, jade… a bunch of stuff.  I didn’t really know. I did know, though, that I was still in a medically-induced coma after Khan had … done his thing for the last Solstice season and I was for damn sure not going to forget to give Spock a gift this year. If telling a little white lie would make all that happen then I would be fine with it.  

“I see.”

I forced a grin. “Talk to you later then, Spock. Chess?”

“I do not know if that will be possible, Captain. I have… plans after this function.”

Oh. Well, shit. I felt my grin trickle away like water down a drain. I looked forward to our weekly chess nights.  It quickly occurred to me that I was meant to be mingling and not just standing here like a kicked puppy.  I nodded and forced a smile, turning away with a little wave.  I thought I heard Bones’ muttered “For fuck’s sake.”  but was pretty sure that I had to have misheard him. Or maybe he wasn’t talking to me. Bones tended to swear on every fourth word, but he could have been talking to me. Who knew. Whatever.

The first few dignitaries went by in a flash. I could see that Micah was in a corner towards the back, and it was pretty easy to make my way towards him, glad-handing and grinning like an idiot, like I actually gave a shit about being here.

I should give a shit about being here.  I knew that as Captain I was supposed to shove any personal stuff aside so that I could get my damn job done, and I was trying. Honest. It was just… well. No. It wasn’t anything. I should just accept that Spock and I were going to just be good friends and be grateful for that.

“Hey you. Thirsty?”

I smiled gratefully at Carol, relishing the cool juice as it went down my parched throat.  It was quite a bit hotter in here than with this stupid dress uniform than I had anticipated.  I did a quick scan in my mind.  I had met with everyone that I had to, except Micah. I was almost done here. Thank fuck. “Thanks. God, I was dying.”

“You looked pretty busy. I won’t keep you long.” There were many reasons that Carol and I were good damn friends, and her perception was only one of them. “I did want to let you know though.”

I blame the punch for being a little slow on the uptake. “Let me know what?”

Carol rolled her eyes, biting her lip and grinning up at me impishly. “It worked! I’m pregnant, Jim!”  Her voice sounded something seven levels above ecstatic. She grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly, and I almost choked on the damn juice.  

Which had probably been her intention, the devious little shit.

I know that I was basically just a sperm donor here, but it was still a bit of a fucking shock to hear that you were going to be a father.  I guess that’s why I tuned out for a few seconds, before gently removing my hand from her tummy.

“--- and the Commander was very understanding. I don’t think it will be an issue at all, really. I do technically need the Captain to sign off on it too, but…” she grinned again.  I didn’t know if she was just that happy or if the myth about pregnant women glowing was actually that accurate.  “I have a feeling he’s not going to mind. I mean I’ll be sad to leave but… god, Jim.” She did a little gleeful dance right there in front of me. “Thank you!”

I saw Micah nod at me over Carol’s shoulder and look pointedly at his wrist. I don’t know why people still did that. The idea of wearing a wristwatch was positively archaic, but its meaning was clear: Hurry the hell up.

I knew that I couldn’t be too familiar with Carol, not while she was still one of my subordinates (which was pretty fucking ironic when you sat right down and thought about it.) but I couldn’t help but give her a quick kiss on the forehead. “You’re going to be the absolute best parent that kid could ever ask for.”

She laughed, throwing her head back and pulling my neck so our foreheads touched. “I know!”

I snorted and chucked her under the chin, an action that I knew drove her bugshit. “Consider your transfer a done deal then. How long will it take you to finish up your projects?”  

Carol thought for a moment. “Maybe a month? Two tops if I’m going to train Gareth to step in.”

I nodded and grinned at her again. It was impossible not to be infected by her happiness. “Right. Well, we’ll get you squared away. No worries…. Mom.”

She did another little gleeful boogie in place, accompanied by a little squeal. It was pretty damn adorable, really. For a second I almost wished that there had been ….. nah. Not with Carol. We just weren’t like that. Friends, sure. We’d had sex exactly once, and it had been well… actually it had been kind of stressful. She had her ovulation cycle down to the nanosecond, and I had to perform… er… en pointe. So to speak. She _was_ a weapons expert after all and kind of terrifying in her own right.

I shook my head as I made my way to Micah’s corner, still smiling a little goofily. He shook my hand, the grin almost too big for his face. "Jim! Damn but it's good to see you."

I gave him my customary shoulder slap. "Thought  you couldn’t make it, man. Did you bring everything?"

"Sure did... but they're all in my quarters. You want to come by later?"

A little belatedly, I noticed that Micah was still holding my hand. Oh hell. I'd forgotten about that. He wasn’t really flirting with me as much as he flirted with anyone breathing. It didn’t make me uncomfortable- I’d be a pretty blatant hypocrite if it did.  Even so, I was awkwardly aware of the heat of his hand in mine.

“Captain.”

It was just enough of an interruption that I could ease my hand out of his and turn faking a smile that probably fooled only Micah. Spock’s face was very carefully blank, and that made my hyper-aware of the amount of space between myself and Micah, and the vast gulf of space between me and my first.

“Yeah! Spock, having fun?”  I heard the words that came out of my mouth and cringed.

Spock completely ignored my fairly inane question, instead turning so that almost all of his rather compact intensity was focused directly on me… so much so that he’d rudely put Micah at his back. “You are needed on the bridge.”

I was?  Oh, hell. I’d been so involved with Carol then with Micah had I missed a comm? I checked my PADD and saw that there wasn’t any sort of message. I raised my head back up to meet Spock’s gaze, confused.

Spock was like some Vulcan statue, unyielding as he stared at me, waiting for my response. Not one muscle on his body moved.   To say that it was awkward was an understatement.

I turned slightly to look over Spock’s shoulder towards a grinning Micah. Flirty he might have been, the grin had changed to more of a smirk. Apparently he was amused as all hell at some joke that I wasn’t getting. “Uh, guess I’ll catch you later then?”

Micah nodded and mimed blowing a kiss with a little wave goodbye.

I shook my head as I nodded, still a little nervous about leaving the two of them alone, but there was nothing else for me to do. Duty called and all that. I left the party and commed the duty officer on the bridge. It would have been impossible to hear while in the middle of the party.  

“Captain Kirk to Bridge, respond.”

“Aye Captain?”

Oh. Of course. Scotty. Big fan of alcohol, not so much with the socializing. That made sense. “Spock told me you needed me.”

There was a short silence. I heard a footstep to my left and turned, acknowledging Bones with a jerk of my head.  “Ah, no. I just double-checked, Captain. All reports are clear. I canne imagine...” Scotty trailed off, sounding puzzled.  Which made sense. I was puzzled enough for the both of us.

“Weird.” I signed off and met Bones’ eyes with my own. Bones was doing that thinky glare thing he did- which I was in no mood to deal with.  “What?”

“Hnngh.”

I rolled my eyes. Bones only grunted like that when he wasn’t ready to tell me something. He would, eventually, and probably when it was just about the most unflattering time possible, but for now I’d have better luck getting a mule to talk to me than Bones when he was in one of these moods.

I scrubbed my hands over my face. This night could not possibly end quickly enough. First Spock, then Carol, then trying to get Spock’s damn present, fooling one of the most intelligent beings I’d ever met like I was some part of a covert operation... now Spock again.  

I guess my mind was a little occupied when I walked back into the party, because it took Bones’ sharp breath to clue me in that I was missing something.

And boy was I.

I didn’t remember her name. I should have, and it was horribly unprofessional that her name and rank was just a blur, but I knew that she was one of the dignitaries. Not Tellarite, but a new race: Betazoid. One small part of my brain couldn’t help but notice how ethereal she looked, tall and willowy, with her hair jeweled and piled in an intricate knot on her head. She also had Spock’s full, undivided attention.

I must have made some sound, because Bones had me hustled out of there between one blink and another. I didn’t even have time to say anything. There was a hypo biting into my neck and Bones’ furious tones and then... nothing.

****

The crash woke me up from a dead sleep. I jackknifed up, adrenaline sending my heart pounding. What I saw made absolutely no sense. Spock had yanked out a panel by the door to ... wherever we were, wiring and components strewn around like a small bomb went off.  Spock had apparently ignored the ... well, I would have called it a control panel, but it looked like it had been absolutely obliterated... in order to start pounding on the material of the door, trying to break it open with a double-fisted punch.

“Uh.”

I regretted speaking the syllable immediately. Spock turned and the look on his face made the muscles in my body tense. I’d never seen him like this before. His face was flushed, he was slightly sweaty, and he looked absolutely _furious_. The last time he’d looked _a little_ like that, Spock had his hands around my throat, strangling me. This was much worse.  Spock took one step towards me, and all I could think of was protecting myself.

I wasn’t particularly proud of the mad scramble backwards, but I couldn’t have helped it if my life depended on it.  Spock seemed to flinch, coming into himself all at once, stopping so suddenly that in any other situation I would have laughed at the sound of the abrupt squeak of his boot heels on the floor. There was the space of two heartbeats before furious Spock became carefully blank Spock. It took several more minutes for me to slowly ease my back off of the wall and slow my heartbeat down to something a little less than petrified rabbit.

What the fuck was going on?

Spock straightened his shoulders even more, holding his hands behind his back in a careful parade rest. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, instead carefully staring at something on the wall behind me.  

“Captain. We are currently--” Spock’s chin jutted up slightly and instead of continuing whatever it was that he was going to say, he thrust an actual piece of paper towards me. The novelty was enough that I took it on autopilot. The almost militantly perfect cursive  on it was immediately familiar.

_Idiots,_

_A long time ago, people used to call this an intervention. When you both don’t have your heads crammed firmly up your assess, you’re fairly intelligent beings, so I’m sure you know what that means. But, just in case, let me spell it out for you.  We’re done. All of us._

The handwriting changed from Bones’ to Nyota’s.

_Spock, you once asked me to help you with a particular problem. I know that you might not agree with this unique solution, but the two of you need this._

The handwriting changed once again from Nyota’s to Scotty’s almost illegible scrawl.

_You’ll be findin that beaut of a security system is one of my best little jobbies. I’m not proud of my role in this, but the Doc is right.  The two of you just need a wee bit of time to be gettin on with yourselves is all, then it’ll all be sorted one way or another._

I was starting to get a damn uncomfortable feeling in my gut. The handwriting changed once again to Bones’ perfect handwriting.

_You’re on medical leave. Yeah, both of you. Quarantined. Fortunately, the only cure for Dumbass Fever is the meds you both received.... which have the happy circumstance of the gift of Truth.  Consider it my Christmas present to you both. You’re locked into this little love nest for three days. No lies, gentlemen. You couldn’t even if you wanted to. You guys can talk it out or fuck it out, I don’t much care. You’re stocked for either eventuality._

My eyes seemed to freeze on the words ‘fuck it out,’ like the rest of the letters on the letter just disappeared.  I blinked and jerked my gaze back up to find Spock’s gaze just skittering away. I was fascinated by the bright green tips of his ears. My gaze fell back down to the letter of its own accord, and I continued reading.

 _Y’all are a damn embarrassment. After everything we’ve been through- at the start of a fresh, new, unprecedented five year mission into this cesspool of death they call space, you two are actin like... children?  The_ fuck _you are! Now you two need to get over yourselves. See ya in three days._

I carefully folded the letter, smoothing the wrinkles out of the thick paper. “Well, uh. This fucking sucks.” I gasped and covered my mouth. What I had _intended_ to say was, ‘This doesn’t seem so bad,’ but the truth won out at the end. Oh shit. Shiiiit, this was going to be a fucking nightmare.

“Indeed.”  Spock turned on his heel in an almost perfectly executed about-face and bent to kick the wiring out of the way.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Twelve minutes, forty-eight seconds.” His words were clipped.

I winced, glancing around the room to the mess of wires. “You didn’t waste any time.”

“I do not wish to be here.” Spock froze for just the briefest of moments, and had I not been so accustomed to watching him, I would not have noticed the small flinch. But I recognized it. I’d done the same thing when I’d just said something that I hadn’t intended to say.

And god, that hurt.

Rather than dwell on it, I stood to start examining the room. I was a little dizzy, probably from the adrenaline crash, and stumbled slightly before righting myself on a black box positioned on the center of a table, at the foot of the bed. Spock had turned at my stunning display of gracelessness, his hand cupping my elbow. I jerked away, flushing.  More to have something to do with my hands than from any desire to actually see what was in the box, I opened it, felt the blood drain from my face, and slammed it shut with a loud bang.

Jesus, Bones hadn’t been kidding. I didn’t even know what some of those things were, and I’d not exactly been a blushing virgin. It was torture to be here, knowing Spock was desperate to get out of this room, and try to not picture the toys in that box being used on either one of us.

Feeling even more out of my depth, I walked to the small kitchenette and started opening cabinets blindly. Finger foods, both Human and Vulcan in nature, small, delicate little things meant to be shared.  There was nothing alcoholic, and nothing overly weird. It was date food, arranged helpfully by brunch, dinner, and snacks.  Six steps to my left took me to a tiny toilet, and through the door was well, I assume it was meant to be a tub, but swimming pool was a little closer to the truth. It was already filled and the steam rising from it was immediately so comforting that I wanted to strip. The “tub” was self-filling. It was that, as well as the box of sex... er. Aides, that gave me a sense of place. Risa. We must be either on Risa, or in a place modeled after it, because they loved those sort of tubs. Water was filtered and refilled, and you could set the temperature to whatever you wanted. It was guaranteed to stay that exact temperature whenever you needed it to be.  Kind of excessive, but easy enough to engineer if you had the materials.

I sat down, rolling up my sleep trousers and dangling my feet in the water. It was just on this side of too hot. That was another weird thing. Spock was in his uniform, but I was just wearing a pair of black silky pajama pants. Bones was not exactly subtle. Thinking of Bones made me think of the note- and that made me blurt before I could think about it.

“What did he mean about talk it out?”

The noises from Spock’s half of the room stopped suddenly.  My stomach was clenching, but I’d been such a coward about this for so long that Bones’ irate diatribe had hit close to home. I _was_ acting unprofessional.  Three days seemed like a long time to tiptoe around each other... maybe I should just apologize to Spock, confess my little awkward crush, and hopefully he wouldn’t strangle me with the wiring from the now useless control panel.

“Spock? Do you know what he meant?” Okay, maybe it was a little shitty to ask him a direct question like that, but the silent treatment was a little too effective.

“Yes.”

Ugh. Trust the Vulcan to manage to work around a truth ser-- wait a second. “Why does a Vulcan need to be made to tell the truth? I thought Vulcans don’t lie?” There was a painfully loud silence from the other side of the room.

“Perhaps your doctor was concerned with my _human side_.”  Well, being locked in a room together did nothing for Spock’s occasional bitchiness. That still came through loud and clear.  

The sound of Spock banging his doubled fists against the paneling made me jump in place.

My foot did some weird thing that caused a splash. Naturally, It managed to go directly into my eye, because whatever supreme deity I’d managed to piss off this week thought that I should look even more ridiculous than I already did. “Spock...” I trailed off, trying not to stare at the slight bit of skin revealed on his lower back as he lashed out.  “I want to lick your skin.”

Shitballs _fuck_. I shut my eyes in mortification, only managing not to curl up in a defensive ball by sheer force of will. I only considered drowning myself for a few minutes.  

 

I heard Spock’s step just seconds before I felt the heat of his body. It took a lot more courage than I was comfortable admitting before I opened my eyes.  Spock was crouched so closely that I could reach out and touch him if I wanted.

 

This had gone from awkward to a bad porn holovid way too quickly. It was hard to not read too much into what I wanted to see instead of what was actually happening. Was Spock there because he wanted me? Or was he just disgusted by what I’d blurted? Spock’s head was cocked to the side as he stared at me, his face still completely Vulcan-blank. I was afraid to say anything else. Bones was fucking up my chances at even being friends- well, okay not true. Bones hitting us with that truth serum stuff didn’t help, but it was my own brain fucking up my chances.

 

“I do not understand how you are able to mock me at this juncture.”

 

I jerked my gaze to Spock’s, shocked.

 

“The medicinal purposes of the serum given to us by Dr. McCoy should are still in effect. How are you able to circumvent its pull?”

 

“I… what?”

 

Spock huffed a tiny breath.  If he had been anyone else, I would have thought he was frustrated, but Spock didn’t really do frustrated. Right now he seemed almost more curious than anything.

 

“Your words were indicative of a wish to taste my epidermis. Clearly, that is not an action you would truly wish to undertake on my person, so therefore your words are mocking, with the intent of eliciting an emotional response.”

 

Wait, what? “No!” “I mean, I’m sorry I just threw that down, Spock, but I’m not mocking you. Jesus!”

 

Spock’s face shut down even more. I had seen actual rocks with more obvious emotions. “Explain.”

 

I cringed inwardly. Well, Bones had said to talk it out. I quickly went over the pros and cons in my mind. Pros: Spock would know how I feel. No more hiding or this pathetic pining away.  Cons: I’d probably have to leave the Enterprise, because me telling him would put him in a horribly discomfited position.  Shit. _Shit!_  I scrubbed my hands over my face again, then decided if I was going to eat my heart then I was going to try to do it from a more comfortable position.

 

More to keep my hands busy than out of any other desire, I stood up and walked with wet feet back towards the kitchenette.  There was not a dining table, but there were a few trays and some cushion-looking fancy things, so I figured that I would just have to make do. I knew Bones wouldn’t stock anything that would set off an allergic reaction.  I busied myself with some vegetables, both Vulcan and Terran, while I tried to order my thoughts into some semblance of intelligence.  If I had to speak the truth, then I figured that it would be better if I spoke my own truth.

 

Spock followed me, staying quiet, respecting that I needed to think. In a way, that hurt too. We really did work so well together; it was terrifying to think that I might fuck this up. Especially if this work/mutual friendship thing was all that I would have. Without it I would be lost. Spock ended up leaning against a wall, staring at me. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what he was thinking.  Still, I figured that I could only stall for so long. I sighed and sat down in the oversized cushion, ignoring the rude sound it made as it took my weight. It was meant to be one of those loungy things for lovers to share. Everything about this was so, so awkward.  Bones playing... well, I would say matchmaker, but this was a regular matchmaker’s older, eviler brother. Spock stuck here with me while I got my feelings all over him, ugh. I was more embarrassed on his behalf, and humiliated on my own for not being able to get my shit together enough to keep things cool.

 

"Okay, so you might have noticed that... I've been acting a bit, uh, odd." I couldn't quite meet Spock's eyes. I was afraid of him nodding that, yes he had noticed my weird behavior, and equally afraid that he was completely oblivious to my inner angst.  "Well it's because of several reasons."

 

Spock ticked an eyebrow in his ‘Yes, human, now please say something less asinine’ way.  I went over what I just said in my head and sighed. Lies were a no-no with this truth serum or whatever the hell it was, but senseless babbling was okay. I was going to _kill_ Bones when I got my hands on him.    

 

"I have ascertained that you have spent forty-two percent fewer minutes in my company since our mission began. Given your duties and your relationship with Dr. Marcus, and after three assertions from Lieutenant Uhura that I have not done someth--."  Spock stopped so abruptly I knew it was because he too had said something that he had not intended.

 

"I don't have a relation--"

 

"Do _not_!" In an instant Spock was in my space, caging me in with his arms on either side of the wall to by back. "How are you able to lie? I can smell the scent if it in your pores, so clearly the drug was administered. _Why_ must you do so?" He was so close, so suddenly there that I had problem catching my breath. His scent was like a punch to the kidneys, and seeing everything from this close, his eyes, his skin, the line of his jaw was just too much.

 

I blinked at him stupidly. Before I could try to filter what came out of my mouth, words started tumbling out like tribbles from a grain storage container.

 

(Don't ask. It wasn't one of my finer moments.)

 

"Carol and I are not in any relationship other than our working relationship, Spock I swear." I didn't even stop to think that I might not owe Spock any explanation. Most of my attention was on trying to make things better, to fix whatever it was that he was upset about.

 

Spock made a sound that I could only call a growl. Even with that, and despite his proximity, I still wasn't afraid of him. Sure, I'd been startled earlier, and I'd woken up at probably the most awkward time- Spock had been pissed enough at being locked in that he'd reacted to me while still in his Vulcan snit- but he had stopped immediately when he saw my reaction.

 

Spock would not hurt me. He could have done just now but this was more... possessive. Angry, yes but not enough to physically hurt me.

 

I hoped.

 

"You fathered her child!" Spock’s shout rang out against the walls of the small room.

 

There was a second where we both winced at how utterly ridiculous that sounded-even with Spock's growly-yet-astonishingly-sexy voice, and I couldn't help the tiny twitch of my lips before I bit the bottom one so that I wouldn't laugh outright. Even Spock looked mortified, which was to say that his left eyelid twitched... significantly.

 

"Are you jealous?" Aw, _shit_. That's not what I had meant to say at all.

" _Yes_!" Spock's low hiss surprised the both of us. He jerked back, face already shutting down. I barely had enough time for the beginnings of my grin to slip away before I moved, not about to let what feeble chance I had slip through my fingers. I barely registered that my weight barreling into him sent us collapsing to the floor. We were kissing, lips crashing together with enough force that it hurt a little when my teeth got in the way. I moved a little to my left and Spock made another low, sound in his throat when my hands settled onto his shoulders.  

His kiss was... it was... Hot Caitian _Hairballs_ , it was so...  Okay so I might have been having a little trouble focusing. Spock didn’t move his hands from the wall, but he allowed it, encouraged my kisses by kissing back. When my tongue slipped past the seam of his mouth, he sucked on it, licked at it with his own, took over the kiss so thoroughly that I was overwhelmed with the taste and feel of him almost before I realized what he’d done.

Eventually though, I had to remind myself that strangulation blue was not a good color for me, and pulled away slightly to suck in a lungful of air. I couldn’t let him go completely though, working my way along the strong line of Spock’s jaw, finally tasting what I’d been dreaming about for so long. I went back to his lips with a groan, hardly noticing that Spock had pulled back just slightly so that I had to chase his lips with my own.

I didn’t realize that Spock had moved us until he pulled me impetuously into his lap. To be honest, I didn’t exactly know how we’d maneuvered from point A to point B.  The shock of him touching me was so sudden that my arms flailed a little, and I had to catch myself against the wall that Spock had previously leaned against. I straddled him, with my knees on either side of his legs. I’d been so focused on his kisses that I didn’t realize each time Spock had pulled back and I followed him, he’d moved slightly until he was in a more comfortable position with his back against the wall. I moved my hand back to his shoulder for balance, while the other slid up the back of his neck, sliding my fingers into his hair.

Spock pulled away with a gasp, and I followed him again, chasing the heat of his mouth with my own. The kiss changed once more and I realized that Spock wasn’t touching me. I wanted his hands on me so badly, but he kept them pressed firmly against the sides of the wall. It was fine for a few minutes, but it started to bug me more and more, the lack of his touching me kind of hogging the back of my brain until I broke off the kiss, licking my lips. Spock’s eyes locked onto them with laser-like intensity. I knew how they had to look, red and wet and slightly swollen. We stared at each other, both breathing a lot more raggedly than before.

“What do you want, Spock?”  I honestly wanted to know.  Well, of course I honestly wanted to know or it wouldn’t have come out like that. I was more than half hard in my sleep pants, and was desperate to find out if Spock wanted me, too.  The part of me that I had managed to stifle- the worried, nervous part that was wondering if this was a mistake that was going to end in pain reared forward again. Why wasn’t he touch--?

“Your mouth.”

Yep. Suffice it to say that whatever thoughts I had flew out of my head so quickly, I’m surprised the room’s enviro controls didn’t react. Spock’s voice was this low, gritty, visceral sound that sent what blood was in my head south so abruptly I was dizzy. I turned slightly to back off his legs, my hardened cock swinging against my leg for a moment under the soft material of my pajamas as I rearranged myself.

I don’t know who designed Starfleet uniforms, but I kind of wanted to kiss them. Usually, having a hardon in those trousers was a nightmare. They were so tight there was very little room to, ah, expand. Those damn trousers served like some medieval chastity belt, keeping everything jammed together really, _painfully_ tightly. Two words: Ball sack. I guess, though, I had never appreciated the aesthetics of _looking_ at someone in them. Well okay, no. I’m pretty sure I’d checked out Spock’s ass so many times the look and curve of it was burned permanently into my retinas.  But this? _Christ_. Spock’s hair was just slightly out of place. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were flushed green. His lips were just as swollen as mine, his eyes dark as he watched me watch him. He was still wearing his two shirts, and those trousers? God _damn_. I could see the outline of his cock against his leg, pulling the material in such a way he’d risk actual harm- either to his dick or by splitting the regulation uniform- if something didn’t happen quickly.

Staring down at him, I could only moan, overcome at the thought that Spock wanted me, that his control over his voice was hanging by a thread.  Forget about how he looked, how Spock sounded was just as much of a turn-on.

“Up.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice.

Spock rose with a jerky movement and I fell forward again, attacking the fastening of his trousers with shaking hands.  I heard the _thunk_ of Spock’s head hitting the wall as I mouthed over the line of his dick through the material of his trousers. I couldn’t _not_. Here his scent was muffled, and somehow that seemed horribly tragic.  Spock made a punched-out sound when I sucked at the head through the material.  He couldn’t possibly feel much, not with the layers of fabric between his skin and my mouth. I moved my hands down to his zipper, opening and pushing his trousers down just enough that I could get at the prize inside.

Spock wasn’t wearing underwear. He made another of those choked-off sounds when his dick hit the warm air of the room. I sucked in a deep breath and wrapped my fist around the base, holding him steady, a shiver hitting my spine when I realized how thick he really was when measured against the circumference of my fingers. The length was average, but _Jesus_. That would feel so.... _ngh._  I glanced once up the line of Spock’s body to meet his gaze, checking, before sucking him down. Normally I would try to finesse a little, spend some time showing off my exotic repitoire of cocksucking skills, but not this time. I had to move my hand away, coughed once past my gag reflex, then pushed down until my lips were snug around the base. I loved that it was just a bit of a stretch. The bush of Spock’s pubic hair wasn’t as wiry as a human’s would be. It wasn’t as thick, either. Given the shiny cap of hair on Spock’s head, the eyebrows, and the glimpses of body hair I’d seen, I just sort of assumed it would be. The head of his cock bumped against the back of my throat and I coughed. Spock grunted at the feel of my throat spasming around him.  I had to move slowly up the thick girth of Spock’s dick, feeling tears spring to my eyes in reaction of suppressing my gag reflex. I could feel him, hard and heavy against my tongue and heard myself moan when the flavor of him hit my tastebuds. He didn’t really taste any different from any other man, but I couldn’t seem to get enough, bobbing down a little more quickly, sucking what I could. I was careful to keep my teeth away from him, although he was thick enough I could feel my teeth brushing lightly against the shaft. I could feel my own saliva dribbling down my chin as I sucked, moving back up and sucking at just the head before moving back down, bobbing my head carefully, sucking when I could and ignoring the rest of the drool and precome as it dripped down my face. It wasn’t the messiest blowjob I had ever given, but god, it was one of the most intense.

Spock’s fingers against my jaw, sliding against my throat so that he could feel it stretch to accommodate him was probably an odd time to realize that  as  hot as this was, it didn’t exactly solve any of the issues from before. Those would still be there, ready and waiting for me. For us.

 

Spock’s fingers were cold and trembling slightly against my face. I thought that I felt something spark, and the recognition of what that was caused me to jerk back with a nervous yip of sound and a gasp of air.

 

We stared at each other a little blankly for several heartbeats. I could feel my heart thundering in my chest.  I wiped the back of my mouth again and tried to think of a better way to say, "sorry I stopped sucking you off but that mind thing freaks me out a little" before l realised my stupid mouth had done the blurting thing again. To be fair the low growl of pure rage and the furious Vulcan suddenly in my space was a bit of a distraction from realizing I had spoken out loud.

 

"Who. _Tell me!"_

 

Now, okay. I accept that there were some things about my psyche that were a little fucked up. Not too fucked up, mind you.... or the 'Fleet shrinks wouldn't have let me captain a starship, but enough that it usually made me shake my head a little and smirk to myself.  

 

Clearly the new asphyxiation kink I'd discovered when Spock was throttling me extended to pushing him to just this side of mindless rage and then twiddling my thumbs, waiting to see what happened. Even with all that though, Spock didn't hurt me. Aggressive, possessive Vulcan? Check. Hurty, abusive Vulcan?  No chance in hell. Spock would cut off something before he willingly hurt me. All at once I was absolutely certain of that.

 

I chanced settling my hands on his shoulders and pushing just a tad. Spock moved maybe an inch away before doing that Vulcan wall thing and glaring. I figured I'd better start talking.

I dropped my hands from Spock’s shoulders and settled back onto my knees so that I was more comfortable. Ignoring my cock was something else, but I tried my best. This was too important to fuck up.

“Okay let me.. let me just-“

“None of your propensity to prevaricate.” Spock stopped, his mouth opening and shutting several times, as though he couldn’t figure out what to articulate next. That hurt. It really did. I’d hurt him somehow, reduced his stoicness to _this_.  The only word that made it past his lips was a garbled “ _Attend_.”

“You.”

Spock’s face fell. That’s the only way I could describe it, even with the way Spock barely let any of his emotions show. He looked gutted by disappointment, as though he thought that I was lying.  It sent a spear of panic into my heart and I started speaking, hearing the words falling out of my mouth with something like horrified acceptance. I couldn’t have shut myself up with a phaser held to my head.

“You. It _was_ you. Well, old you. When you- uh, you, you stuck me on that giant ice cube of Delta Vega. You knew that I met the other version of yourself, right? Well, I did, and we’d barely introduced each other before he had his hands on my face, and it was like that spark thing you just did only it was so...and he. And it just freaked me out a little okay?”

Spock blinked. His eyebrow lifted. I cannot express how relieved that simple movement made me. He was listening.

“Uh, it was.. Intense. Having you inside me.” Spock’s eyes darkened. Oh. Oh _god_. That would be amazing.  “Uh, my mind, I mean. Like that.”

“I was not inside your mind, but I do apologize for,” Spock paused, lips twisting into a small smirk. “ _Freaking_ you out. I should have inquired as to  whether or not you would be amiable to sharing a meld before beginning one of my own.” Spock using a human vernacular never failed to make me grin, even despite the seriousness of our conversation.

Spock stood, and in one graceful movement tucked himself back into his trousers and zipped them up, fastening them with a small twist of his hands. He reached out a hand to help me up and I took it, somewhat nonplussed by how quickly things had changed. Our hands touching sent my heartrate skyrocketing, and I twisted my fingers so that they tangled with his  before he could think to pull away.

“Spock. You’re not wrong, but you’re not right, either. Carol and I-” The muscles in Spock’s hand tensed, ready to pull away. I wouldn’t let him. Surprisingly, he allowed me to keep his hand where it was. “Relationship is another one of those words that has...” I winced. “Variable definitions. As to Carol, Yeah, I’m technically the father of her bump. By that I mean she wanted to have a kid without,” I waved my other hand around. “Medical mumbo jumbo. That’s one independent woman. She decided where, and when, and we weren’t... lovers. Not in the sense that we’re like that with each other. Intimate. My dick was convenient and my sperm totally awesome, I guess.” I sighed, looking down at Spock’s knuckles, rubbing at them a little with the pad of my thumb. “You uh. You don’t have any reason to be jealous. I’ve been-” here, for some reason I tensed, knowing what words would come out before they did, and preemptively worrying about Spock’s reaction. “--pining after you like some idiot for several months now. But, I figured there was more of a chance of me hooking up with Khan than--”

Yep. That got a reaction. A very growly, possessive-kiss sort of reaction. I approved wholeheartedly. It was a lot different with our hands touching like this. Warmer, somehow. Still intense, still incredible, but… mmm. Nice.

I very carefully didn’t think about what had set all of this off; me seeing Spock and that dignitary all clustered together, clearly intimate. Or what I would call intimate, given Spock’s previous relationship with Nyota. Talk about being on the down-low.  One kiss on a transporter pad right before going to probable certain death was one thing. Spock plastered against some random stranger at a party was quite another.  I hedged admitting my own jealousy though. It seemed really stupid, even with Spock’s obvious interest. Childish. I didn’t want to make myself look even more pathetic.

I pulled away, breathing heavily. I started to open my mouth, ready to apologize, or beg, or _something_ , but Spock startled the breath out of me by bending slightly and wrapping his hands under my ass, lifting with barely a huff of exertion.

 

Oh, _god_. I felt myself go down then, just absolutely collapse against Spock, barely having the mental facilities to kiss his jawline. I heard myself moan at the feel of his hands on me. I barely had the wherewithal to realize that Spock had moved us to the bedroom area until I felt the softness of the bed when I bounced against it. Spock didn’t even let me suck in air before he was kissing me again, pressing me into the mattress with his weight.  I knew from my xenobiology studies that full-blooded Vulcans were much more dense than humans, tending to weigh more. For all that their gracefulness and lithe builds (Not always, but usually.)  detracted from it, they were unmovable when they cared to be. Spock was not as heavy, but I could feel every single inch of him pressed against me. Our legs tangled together as we kissed. Spock moved his mouth so that he was kissing down my throat, sucking a mark into my skin that I just knew the turtleneck wouldn’t cover.  

 

He marked me!

 

This was beyond anything I could imagine. I gasped oxygen into my lungs, arching slightly into the heat of Spock’s body. Fuck. _Fuck_ , he felt so good against me. I heard something crash and felt the mattress move slightly, and to my surprise Spock pulled away, becoming very still.

 

It took me a couple of seconds to go from half-drugged from kissing, to realizing Spock wasn’t kissing back, but once I did, it was easy enough to turn to see what had captured his attention.

 

The box from before had fallen down onto the mattress, on the other end from where we were tangled. Spock must have kicked it while we were kissing. An entire pornucopia of toys had spilled out onto the mattress, and well... it was hard for me not to stare. It seemed like Spock hardly breathed. I chanced a glance up at him, then saw what he was staring at and had a helluva idea.  I don’t know where the words came from, but I couldn’t have stopped them any more than I could have stopped myself from breathing.

 

“I see what you’re looking at.  Those balls? That vibrator? Do you want to... use them on me?” I could feel Spock make that punched-out sound again. His breathing spread up quite a bit.  “You can you know. You can do anything you want to me.”  Spock actually gasped at that and I chanced reaching down and cupping his cock with my palm, giving him a little squeeze. He was once again having the same problems with his ‘Fleet issued uniform pants.  Knowing what he tasted like, what he felt like in my throat made me moan a little as I mapped out the length and heat of him with my fingers.  Spock was still staring at the toy.

 

It was fairly large; a set of balls connected by a piece of  thin, straight metal so that it was all one piece. There were seven of them, growing in size with a varying amount of space between them. The last one was quite large. I felt my own cock jerk, even pressed against Spock’s stomach as it was.

 

Spock’s breathing was very loud in the quiet room. I arched a little into him so that my voice was right by his ear, my lips brushing the delicate shell with every word.  “Or, do you want me to use them on you?”

 

Spock actually moaned at this, pressing his face into my neck a little desperately. I surged up, almost attacking his mouth with my own. I tasted the iron tint of blood and flipped Spock over by wrapping my foot around his legs, and pushing on his shoulder so that Spock was on his back.

 

He would have had to be pretty damn stunned for the maneuver to work. That, or he _really_ liked the idea of me fucking him with some of those toys.  

 

Well, he wasn’t the only one.  I pulled a little at his bottom lip, pulling away to grin down at him. Spock’s eyes were closed and my grin grew quite a bit filthier as I realized he was panting. I waited until he opened his eyelids, wanting to see him focus on me.  He did with a dazed looking blink that seemed to take several seconds.

 

I admit, it was heady. Despite Spock’s interest, I didn’t want there to be any room for doubt, so I ducked to kiss his lips with a chaste brush of my own.  “You’re sure about this, Spock?”

 

“Ah-Affirmative.”

 

I raised an eyebrow, licking at my lips.  “Yeah? You want me to stretch you open? You want me inside of you?”

 

“ _Yes_ , Jim.”

 

Well then. That was good enough for me. More than good enough, truth be told. I sat back on my legs, keeping my hands still on the fastenings of Spock’s trousers. I raised an eyebrow and Spock seemed to understand me immediately, pulling at his shirts so quickly that the fabric ripped when he jerked them off over his head. I moved to get Spock’s boots, and he wasted no time pulling off the rest of his clothes so that he was naked under me.

 

“Turn over.”

 

He did, managing to not kick me in the face despite the haste at which he moved. I couldn’t even laugh at him. I understood his need, and felt the same way. I bent to kiss at his shoulders, working my way down.  If this was going to be all I had, I wasn’t going to waste a minute.

 

I kissed him on the bump of his spine, warning him quickly that I was about to leave for a moment. I didn’t want to chance reaching blindly for what I wanted and knocking them onto the floor.  It only took a second to grab the balls and some lube and move back so that I was draped over his naked back, kissing my way down each vertebrae. Spock arched and made another of those growly sounds, and I wasted no time adding my hands to the mix, stroking and feeling the muscles under his skin, down the muscles of Spock’s back, over the curve of his ass, and down his legs. I couldn’t get enough of the feel of him.  Spock held himself there on the bed, his hands against the mattress, on his knees with his ass up in the air.  Spock had to know what I was planning, but I still paused a second to make sure that he didn’t voice any objections.

 

He didn’t.

 

I ignored the heat and heaviness of my cock, wanting to rut against the mattress, but half-afraid that I would shoot there in my sleep pants like some inexperienced teenager. I spread the cheeks of Spock’s ass open a little so that I could look at him, still a little shocked that he was allowing this. Still going slowly, I bent and licked from his tailbone as far down as I could reach before my chin hit the mattress.  Spock groaned again, freezing in place so that I could do it again.  And I did. Again, and again. until his skin was slick with my saliva. I slowly shortened the sweeps of my tongue until I was licking at the sensitive pucker of his hole. Spock was actually trembling in place, frozen in anticipation of my tongue spearing inside of him.

 

I didn’t make him wait. I just sucked in a deep breath then pulled him apart more firmly, my fingers slipping in the amount of spit I had left on his skin, and started to fuck him with my tongue, pushing through the tightly furled muscle until Spock cried out something garbled. I realized that Spock had moved so that his hands were on the headboard to give himself better purchase so that he could fuck himself back onto my tongue. He had pushed his face into his bicep to try to muffle the sounds he made.  

 

I could have spent all night here, but breathing was also a necessity. I pulled away, gasping air into my lungs a little desperately.  When I picked it up, I saw that the part I thought was a thin metal piece was flexible, like silicone. It bent in half with no trouble, but was still cool to the touch. The balls on the toy were completely hard, and I sucked in a serrated breath when I realized that this meant the toy would move around inside of Spock, the balls bunching up and spreading out by how he moved. It was easy enough to grab the toy and press it against his wet, stretched out hole.  It must have been a lot colder than my tongue because Spock jumped a little.

 

“Jim--”

 

“I know, Spock.” I whispered it, unable to force myself to speak any louder I grabbed the little vial of lube and slicked the first bead.  It probably would have gone inside Spock with no trouble, given how much I’d relaxed the tight muscle and how wet he was, but I was not about to take a chance of hurting him.

 

“Fuck, _look_ at you.” I watched the smallest metal bead push inside of Spock and had to force myself to take my time. I hadn’t thought to ask how often Spock played with himself, so it was possible that he was extremely tight. Should I have used my fingers first?  A second of self-doubt almost crippled me. No- no, it had been fairly obvious that Spock had been _painfully_ turned on by just the thought of the toy. If I went slowly enough, it should be fine.

 

“That would be quite--- _ah_. Difficult. At this juncture.”

 

I huffed my own laugh and bent forward, tracing my tongue around the stem of the toy, flicking it against the rim of Spock’s hole, slightly stretched as it was around the thin piece of the toy.  Spock made a guttural sound that went right to my cock, and I had to pull away from Spock’s ass to give myself a desperate stroke to try to relieve some of the pressure. I could feel that I was sweating, and all I could smell was Spock as I brushed the spit off my chin. This time I hadn’t even touched his cock, and Spock looked almost desperate. Almost. I wanted him all the way there. It gave me enough resolve to ignore my own arousal and concentrate on Spock’s.

 

“Ready? The second one is a bit bigger.” Spock nodded, tilting his hips a little so that I had easier access. I gripped the end of the toy, noting absently that it was on a perpendicular bar, so that it could be left inside of Spock’s ass without mishap (the thought of explaining _that_ to Bones made my dick wilt a little, to be honest.) then pushed the second ball inside, watching a little stunned as Spock sucked it inside with no trouble. I rotated my wrist just to listen to Spock gasp again, but didn’t fuck him with it. The next ball went in with only a little resistance, and I didn’t warn Spock- wanting to hear the surprised sound he made when the balls moved together inside of him.

 

He didn’t disappoint, and I found myself resting my forehead against the small of his back. Spock was covered in a light sheen of sweat, and I indulged myself, licking at him and biting at the muscle of his left asscheek, working my mark into faintly olive skin.

 

I made sure the fourth ball was quite slick. It was the first one that looked large enough to really stretch Spock open. I tapped on his ass to give him a bit of a warning, moving so that I could better see. Spock froze a little when the ball started to push inside, then made himself relax so that the widest part of the sphere could stretch him open. I stopped it just at that point and refused to move it- spreading his ass with my other hand so I could properly see the stretched rim of his hole as it twitched around the protuberance keeping it open. Fucking Christ, this was going to kill me. I watched as lube slid down my hand,  tensed in sympathy as Spock’s muscles quivered  as he got used to the sensation.  There were three balls left, and all of them got progressively bigger. I tapped it with my pointer and first finger and it slid inside smoothly, disappearing completely. I could see that Spock was much more stretched now, since there was a little bit of space between his furled hole and the thin bendy piece. I couldn’t help but finger him, sliding just the tip of my smallest finger inside along the bendy piece of the toy, sliding more lube around the incredible heat of Spock’s body.

 

“More?” My voice was so low it was almost a whisper of sound. Spock shivered, then cried out as the toy moved inside of him, contorting himself slightly as he breathed through it. I was patient until Spock nodded, and made another sound, still hiding his face.  I was surprised at the surge of disappointment I felt. I didn’t like the idea of Spock hiding from me. It only took a second to move, folding myself against the line of his back until I could reach the headboard with my lube-slick hands. “Move up.” I crowded him until Spock knee-walked closer to the bed, arranging himself so that he was up on his spread knees, more vertical than horizontal. I grabbed the lube and arranged myself so that I was sitting with my back supported by the headboard, legs stretched out comfortably in front of me.

 

Spock stared down at me with half-closed eyes, at the way my cock had leaked precome all over the silken materials of my now-ruined sleep pants. Now though, I knew Spock was checking me out, imagining what my proportions were, what it would feel like inside of him. His hair was sticking up, and his face was flushed green. Spock was still in control though, carefully keeping his body still so that the balls didn’t move too much inside of him.

 

Oh hell no. That wasn’t going to work at _all_.  “Come on, over me, then.” Spock tensed, shivered, then moved so that he was straddling my legs, From this angle, the balls of the toy looked obscene, hanging out of Spock’s ass.  I took the lube and drizzled it over them again, setting it by my waist in case I needed it again. Spock was forcing himself to take deep breaths, bracing his hands against the wall above the headboard for balance. Spock’s chest was in front of me. I brushed my cheek against the soft chest hair there, getting a wicked idea when I saw the pebbled green nipple, half hiding in the curls. I didn’t even give him warning, trusting to his body and the lube. The movement of my hand was a little awkward, and I couldn’t see anything from this angle, but pushing the next ball into Spock’s ass while biting his nipple sent him writhing on top of me, his cock slapping wetly against my stomach. I knew that either one of the balls or the flexible piece had to be stimulating his prostate because precome was leaking steadily from Spock’s cock. Fuck, he looked so hard, _so_ ready to come.

 

I spread my legs open, forcing Spock off-balance, jerking my gaze up to Spock’s face.  “Do you want the rest? Do you want me to fuck you? You gotta say it, Spock. Tell me.”  I could see the muscles bunch in Spock’s arms as he caught himself again against the wall. I pressed my other hand against the small of his back, and teased him with the second to last ball. I pressed it against his hole, then waited, knowing that teasing him like this was kind of mean, but I couldn’t get the image of him hiding his face out of my mind.  He hadn’t even tried to touch my cock, or much of my body other than the kissing and my ass when he lifted me.  I knew I was being greedy, but I wanted Spock both here with me and driven out of his mind by what I was doing to him.  

 

“Oh...” Spock couldn’t seem to talk but he nodded, staring down at me with his lips pursed into a shocked ‘o’.  “Jim.” The single syllable was a whisper... a plea. I scooched down a little so that I could move my hand slightly, ignoring the fact that I was bumping his sac with my wrist. The sixth ball went in with another choked off cry and I was pleased to see that Spock had started to tremble, a full-body, involuntary shiver.

 

I heard my name, whispered over and over and grinned fiercely to myself as I wiggled the last, biggest part of the toy inside of Spock. This was actually a little easier, since I could hold the cross-piece with my first three fingers and just push it in. Despite the handle, this was the most difficult to push in. I twisted the toy, pulling it out just to the sixth ball and Spock went abruptly tense, tightening his muscles to keep it inside of him.

 

“Tell me, Spock. I don’t want to hurt you, so you have to tell me.” I was curled up under him like a comma, ignoring his cock as it swung so temptingly by my face. I knew how I wanted this to end. Spock would _never_ , forget this. Forget me.

 

“I do not-- I have never...”

 

“You’ve never had something like this inside of you before? Did you know what would happen with the balls knock together?” To illustrate my point, I twisted my wrist again, smirking when Spock groaned, shaking his head in the negative.

 

“My. My prostate. Is, it is.Oohh, please, Jim, _please_ do not tease.”  

 

Jesus. Maybe I shouldn’t have had Spock talk. My cock had pretty much given up on me by this point, but his words made my own balls tighten, the muscles in my pelvic floor jumping madly.

 

“Okay? Okay. I won’t. Relax for me, Spock. Come on, this is going to stretch. The last one is bigger. God, I wish I could watch it fuck you apart.”  I did, but this was so much better. Spock stared down at my face with shocked, wide eyes. He had bitten his own lips so that they were puffy and swollen. His body had tensed at my words, and I could feel him slowly relax, patient and trusting me. I had to use a little force on the last ball. Spock’s eyes rolled up when it breached his body, eyelids fluttering in silent approval. If he had never used a toy like this before, then he had no idea what was coming. I moved my fingers slowly so that the toy was completely inside of Spock’s ass, the cross-bar holding his cheeks open a little. I moved to press against Spock’s perineum with one finger, and Spock cried out, the sound loud enough to startle me so that I pushed Spock down onto me with my other hand, quickly allowing it to slip down over his ass, so that I could scrape gently at the overly-sensitive skin with my fingernail.

 

Spock collapsed against me with a choked off cry of my name and I had to grit my teeth so that I wouldn’t come. It was torture to slowly move my hands away from Spock’s ass, to rearrange him with his legs spread almost too wide, so that he was vertical again. Spock had leaned forward so that he could watch my face, writhing in place as the balls knocked together, over his prostate, over the sensitive inner walls of his ass. One hand was on my shoulder, and the other was on the headboard.

 

I could see that he was ready, and for fuck’s sake, I wanted to see him come. I slid my right hand back to the toy and started fucking him with it, never pulling out enough to dislodge the biggest ball, but wanting Spock to feel it inside.  My other hand held Spock steady by his hip, ready for what came next.

 

Without warning I pulled out the first ball.   _Pop!_ Spock’s dick actually dripped precome against the side of my face. I doubt that he had noticed how far I had shimmied down. I didn’t waste time, knowing that his asshole was fluttering against nothing. _Pop!_ Spock was breathing almost too quickly, beginning to realize-- _Pop!_  Christ this was incredible. The sounds he made would stay with me forever, treasured and poured over often.  Picturing the toy in my head, I knew that I could easily pull the rest, but I’d have to time it perfectly. I took a deep breath then sucked Spock’s dripping prick into my mouth.  Spock gasped in oxygen, and just before he could do anything I yanked, pulling the toy out of his ass with a staccato _Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!,_ feeling Spock’s entire body jerk each time one of the toy balls were yanked from his body.

 

Spock _wailed_ , his cock spurting into my mouth in thick pulses, fucking my throat on instinct. I felt his hands on my head, tangled in my hair as he thrust once, twice, before stalling, collapsing against the headboard with a muttered Vulcan curse. I couldn’t possibly swallow  all of Spock’s come, not without choking, so I knew I looked a mess when Spock eventually opened his eyes, staring down at me in absolute shock, his come on my lips and chin. We just stared at each other for a few seconds, until I realized that Spock _was still hard_ , and holy fucking Christ, I needed to come.

 

Spock was markedly uncoordinated and he moved, jerking my cock out of my bedraggled pajamas, and moving to an awkward-looking crouch so that my cockhead bumped against the wet heat of Spock’s still-twitching hole. I was obviously an idiot, and Spock was clearly a genius. Spock rose up on his knees and I scrambled back to my original position, so that I had my back against the headboard, trembling hands on his hips. Spock met my eyes once, cocked his head with an honest-to-God _smirk_ , then slowly worked himself down over my cock. I know my fingers clenched on his hips. It was such a shock; he was still tight after coming, but slick from the lube I’d used on the toy.  

 

He slid down until he bottomed out, his testicles bumping against my pubic hair, Drawing up my knees caused him to shift inside of me and we both moaned in synch as he tentatively rested his back against my legs, before tightening his own legs around me and rolling so that he was on his back. He kept my cock inside of him by tightening his ass and pulling at my shoulders and I was _gone_ , lost in the movement of my body as I started fucking him, jerking Spocks legs so that the back of his thighs rested on my shoulders. I heard words tumbling from my lips and had a moment of fear for what I was saying. Then Spock thrust back, and I lost that too, fucking into him with a rotation of my hips until Spock’s head hit the headboard.  His arms came up one more time to brace himself, fucking back, greedy for the feel of me inside of him.  We both caught the rhythm immediately, the sound of our skin slapping together loud in the otherwise silent room.

 

Had I had more of my brain working, I would have taken the time to appreciate this Spock, lost in pleasure, desperate for release. Instead I was single-minded, feeling my own orgasm building to an almost painful crescendo. I moved so I could wrap my fingers around Spock’s dick, clumsily pumping in time with our thrusts. That was just the stimulation he needed. I felt Spock’s ass tightening around my cock in twitching pulses before he froze underneath me, coming silently as he stared up at me in shock, like his orgasm had surprised him.  

 

My own was so intense that I lost time, blinking back into consciousness with Spock running his hand up and down my sweat-slicked back. He was muttering in Vulcan again and I only caught the word _ashayam_ before I snapped back into awareness. My eyes closed again and I was painfully embarrassed as I remembered with sudden, perfect clarity exactly what I had said over and over, desperately, while we’d fucked. Between the sex and whatever the hell Bones had given me, my mouth had once again run away with itself.

 

 _‘I love you Spock, love you, oh_ fuck _I love you....’_

 

Crap.  

 

“I can feel that you are uncomfortable. Your muscles have tensed upon the likely realization of your words to me while we... made love” Spock actually sounded a little bashful which did something completely different to my heart.

 

“Did we? Make love?”  I blurted it without thinking, wincing when Spock looked agonizingly unsure of himself for a moment, before stubbornly tightening his arms and tilting my head so that he could look at me.

 

“Is that not what it is called when two copulate with abject adoration?”

 

I was a little too sex-stupid to catch onto that right away, but when I did I gasped, turning so that I was sprawled directly on top of him. Spock’s voice was calm as ever, but his heart was thundering nervously against where my hand lay against it in his side.

 

“You... love me, yes?”

 

I nodded, still afraid to hope that Spock was about to say what I so desperately hoped he would say.

 

“And, I... I too, _ashayam,_ love you. So yes. With those parameters, we just made l _uhmmmph_.”   Spock didn’t seem to mind the interruption of me kissing him.

 

We were both too spent to go for another round, but the two of us were quite involved in kissing each other. It was different when someone loved you back. We could ignore the stickiness of our mingled come and drying lube as I got lost in kissing Spock for everything I could., like this was going to be snatched away any second.

 

Maybe that’s why we didn’t notice the door open, or Bones stride inside.  Spock could have done, and just chose to ignore him for all I knew. Since I was sprawled on top, It was easy enough to see the slightly repulsed look Bones gave the toys that were still spilled out on the corner of the bed.  The bed itself was so large that even our recent... exercise hadn’t sent all of them sprawling to the floor.  

 

Spock pulled away with a little growl, pulling me to him and staring balefully at Bones.

 

“Whoa, there, hobgoblin. I’ve seen Jim’s bare ass more times than I can count.”

 

Spock apparently didn’t care for that at _all_. He actually covered my ass with his spread hand, as though he had any hope of shielding me from Bones’ view.

 

It must have connected at the same time, because both Spock and I blurted:

 

“Why are you dressed so abominably---?”

 

“How the fuck did you get in here---?”

 

then looked at each other sheepishly, before slowly bending forward to to kiss again.

 

“Oh for Fuck’s sake. Here. Merry Christmas. Ho. Ho. Ho.” Two brightly wrapped gifts landed on the mattress, one hitting me in the elbow before bouncing harmlessly onto the rucked up sheets. I just shook my head at Bones’ Santa outfit. It looked absolutely ridiculous, especially since he had refused the beard. I can’t think of any Santa Claus that looked quite that scowly.  “Now don’t get dressed on my account, and ya really don’t have to thank me. As to how I got in here, well that’s simple. Scotty programed the door to unlock once either of the two gotcher head outta yer ass and said ‘I love you’. Duh. Now normally, I’d stay a spell and gloat ‘til my damn face fell off, but I’m having trouble not looking at either of you. I need my eyes n’all to do my job. I’m sure it’s cute and all and--.” I blinked in shock at the flash of a holorecorder “---Y’all are gonna want to keep that memory for sure.” Bones did a weird little salute with the hand that wasn’t carrying the giant red bag of gifts. “Try not to sprain anything, and remember to use lots of lube.  Merry Christmas!!”

 

He left as quickly as he had came. Tentatively, I reached out to touch one of the gifts, not entirely certain that I hadn’t just imagined that whole thing.

 

“Your Doctor appeared rather festive, as I understand historical religious practices.”

 

“It’s the smugness. I can’t believe they programed the door that way. Makes a.. uh, a strange sort of sense though.” I picked up one present and smiled when I realized the tag said  “To:  Jim, From:  Spock.”  Then I realized what the other one had to hold and my heart gave a nervous thump in my chest.

 

“Perhaps we should avail ourselves of the bathing area before opening our gifts.”  There was still something off in Spock’s voice, but I figured that was only par for the course with having Bones of all people walk in on him. I wiggled up to give him a quick kiss, then a longer kiss, then a _really_ long kiss.

 

It was quite awhile before we made it to the bath and back to the bed, but I had no complaints. I had tried not to be clingy, right up until the point where Spock tangled our fingers together and refused to let me go, occasionally kissing my knuckles, or my palm.  It was shockingly demonstrative, and I have to admit that I ate it up.

 

We ended up cleaning up the toys and remaking the bed before lying down together, curled up so that our legs were tangled together, our torsos so that we were lying together on our sides. Spock still held my hand and as sleepily content as I was,  I eventually asked him about it.

 

Spock raised an eyebrow with a little twitch of his lips. “There is, yes.”

 

I blinked a few times. Did he not want to tell me? Was I being too… forward? I figured that we had crossed just about every line there was to cross, but … maybe I was being an asshole and didn’t realize it.  There must have been something of what I was thinking on my face because Spock bent forward quickly, kissing me languorously, tangled up even closer than we were before, with his head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around him, comforted by the beat of his heart against my wrist. Trust me, it had been a bit of a shock when I had realized that Spock’s heart wasn’t where a human’s was. Bones only mocked me for it sometimes, because I really had been horribly upset, convinced that Spock had died.

 

It took a few minutes, but I realized that Spock had started to speak.

 

“When I was very small, my mother often reached out for my father’s hand. I did not think that she realized the complexity of muscles in a Vulcan’s hands, nor how sensitive they were. You are aware that we are touch-telepaths, my Jim?”

 

I froze. I had known that, of course I had. I just… forgot for awhile. “That means-” I blurted, shocked.

 

Spock actually winced a little.

 

“This whole time?”

 

Spock nodded, firmly tugging our hands together.

 

“She would grab his hand whenever they were alone, and my father would… relax, I suppose you could say. I believed for years that it was something that she initiated, and my father tolerated. It wasn’t until very recently that I realized how… much he counted on that connection.”

 

“How recent?” I whispered, feeling the urge to swallow the lump that had appeared in my throat. Spock didn’t talk about his mother very often, and it was a little overwhelming that he had chosen to share such intimate details with me.

 

“Two hours and seventeen minutes.”

 

Oh, damn. The little lump from before was causing me to blink a little more quickly so that I wouldn’t start blubbing all over the place.  I curled my neck a little to kiss Spock’s ear. I missed completely and got a mouthful of hair, but that was okay too.

 

Spock sat up and I felt him reach to get the package from before. It was kind of heavy and I shot him a quick grin as he set it on my chest. When I opened it though, whatever air that I’d had in my lungs left as though Spock had punched me. He had, but not in a violent way.

 

“How-- how did you... Spock?”

 

“Your mother said that these were your favorite.”

 

They were.  I took off the lid of the container and sniffed them, sighing a little choppily. The smell was unique. Impossible. This was.... my grandpa Tiberius used to make them with maple syrup from trees on his own farm. The people that now owned the farm had cut down all the trees to make room for the new buildings…. all the trees but one.  

 

“It took me several months to procure the recipe from your mother, and two days of leave to obtain the necessary amount of syrup.” Spock paused, sounding a little shamefaced. “I needed Nyota to assist me with the actual chemistry to make these maple syrup cookies. I do hope that they are satisfactory.”

 

I couldn’t help but eat one, memories of my grandparents overwhelming me for a second.

 

“Thank you… Spock. It’s an amazing gift.” My voice was garbled from the lump in my throat, (not to mention the amount of cookie I’d just stuffed in my face) but he understood me anyway.

 

I bit my lip and put the lid back onto the cookies, setting them onto the table. It was easy enough to grab Spock’s present, but I couldn’t stifle the nervous feeling I had when handing it over. Vulcans as a whole weren’t known for their celebratory focus, but I hoped that a gift exchange was not too culturally inappropriate.

 

Spock opened it and stared down at the seven different rocks, utterly still. It didn’t even look as though he was breathing. “Uh, I knew a guy from the Academy who collected things from other planets. That’s, uh. That’s what you saw from earlier. Micah. ” I forced myself to stifle my nervous babble.

 

Spock picked up a garnet-colored one, tilting it so that little flecks of gold deep within it caught the light, shimmering darkly like blood. It was strangely beautiful. In our correspondence, Micah had told me that this was a very common rock, and even as pretty as it was, it was the equivalent of a garden pebble on Earth. He set it down very deliberately next to my tin of cookies. Looking grave, Spock grabbed my hands in his own, turning so that we were looking directly at one another.

 

“You are… beyond comprehension. Thank you, Jim, my _ashayam_ for… for… it is a truly lovely gesture.”

 

I smiled, and Spock stared at me, blinking twice before bending forward and kissing my forehead. As filthy as we had been earlier, this, this simple gesture broke me into a thousand pieces and I found myself kissed until I didn’t know where one of us ended and the other began. But I guess that wasn’t exactly a new thing. Spock and I had been partners- working seamlessly together even when things had gotten insane, then  friends, remaining so even when the two of us had been acting stupid, hiding our pining for the other. I know it was a cliche, and to be honest, I kind of cringed a little when thinking the words, even to myself, but sharing this with Spock was worth more than anything I ever could have dreamed. It meant _everything_ , and I knew that I was not alone in doing everything in my power to nurture and keep it.

 

We separated, and Spock allowed me to see a shy, sweet smile of pure happiness.  I smiled back, and we settled back down onto the bed, tired enough from everything to sleep for a good solid stretch.

 

It was then, just before I settled into slumber, the thought hit me and my eyes popped open in the darkness.  “Bones!”  God, We’d never hear the end of it. There’d be no living with the smug bastard after this.

 

Spock made a contented sound, and when he spoke it was a sleepy murmur that I knew I’d want to hear for the rest of my life. “Do not worry, my Jim. I have already formulated seventeen different scenarios so that we may enact our revenge. Your doctor will--” Spock broke off and I couldn’t help the snort of laughter that usually followed Spock using the human vernacular for something.

 

“He will never see it coming.”

 

END!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my writing, feel free to follow me on  [Tumblr](http://1lostone.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Once again, if you haven't yet done so, please check out the collaboration art for this story  
> [Here on Spockshair's blog!](http://artsy-spockyyy.tumblr.com/post/105680076701/my-entry-for-this-years-ksadvent-pic-related-to)


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